What makes something a word?

I started pondering this after pawing through the mountains of e-mails I've received since writing a Grumpy Martha column that said irregardless isn't a word.

"It is!" my detractors cry. "It's in the dictionary!"

And you know what? They're right. It is in many a dictionary, prefaced by the qualifier "nonstandard."

So does that make it a word, or not?

On my grumpier days, I'd say no. You might as well hollow out two loaves of bread and put them on your feet, because what you'd have then would be a pair of nonstandard loafers. If you like the looks you get when you walk down the street in them, then great! It's your loaf to live.

On giddier days, though, I take delight in the flexibility of our language and the creativity of nonstandard word usage.

I liked it, for example, when my daughter called cinnamon buns bottoms. And when bling bling made it into the dictionary, I said, "Awww yeaahhhhh!" I am personally lobbying for the inclusion of frathlete, a noun that refers to that class of good-looking jock who can sometimes be irritatingly popular.

So word nerds fall into two basic camps: prescriptive and descriptive. The prescriptives are the grumpy ones, who insist on proper usage. The descriptive camp, on the other hand, observes how people actually use words, because actual usage drives meaning.

So which am I? And more importantly, which are you?

Personality quiz: Are you prescriptive or descriptive?
1. True or false: Irregardless is a word, irregardless of how many people say otherwise.
2. True or false: Homer Simpson's catch phrase--d'oh--belongs in the dictionary.
3. True or false: Don't bother me. I'm putting bread on my feet.

If you answered true to two or more of these, you're a descriptive. If you answered false, you're a prescriptive. And I have some bad news for you: D'oh has been in the prestigious Oxford English Dictionary for about five years now. (It's not in Encarta's dictionary--d'oh!)

Either way, there would be room for you in the exclusive club of worldwide lexicographers. As Encarta's own Richard Bready puts it, "Descriptive lexicographers don't judge words, they only report them, using standards of frequency and importance."

On the other hand, "Prescriptive lexicographers seem, in my personal view, to enjoy being grumpy. They spend a lot of time denouncing words and explaining what the rules used to be."

This could be why French, with its persnickety language police, has a declining number of users, Bready says. If language doesn't evolve with the people who use it, people find other ways of saying things.

Suddenly I find myself ready to ditch the grumpy attitude. When you look at it his way, being descriptive sounds like a whole lot more fun--especially when you learn how words get into the dictionary. Believe it or not, this can be a good excuse to watch TV.